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PIP reflection 2024

 PIP reflection 2024

Over the last few months, it’s safe to say (metaphorically) that my head had been somewhat up my arse; with anxiety. All due to my friend P I flipping P.

Yes. Personal Independence Payment (PIP). Having received the renewal form LAST year (that’s 2023 as of typing), I anxiously stressed to get what legitimate proof I could get to assist my honest form answers.

Big kudos to the Citizens Advice Bureau for help with said form ‘completion’. I was struggling.

And without ANY surprise, I still live with MS! Multiple Sclerosis the chronic Central Nervous System disease.

  • Has it improved? No.

  • Is it progressing? Yes.

  • Is there a cure? I and about 2.3+m others wish.

Anyway, part of my ‘processing’ stuff is that I keep notes. Yip, my memory is far from good. Cognition.

So, here are 3 fairly recent ‘notes’ relating to PIP that I still have in my phone for a short blog and how one’s anxiety has been:

No escape (1st May)

Missed phone calls, a voice message.

Joanne about my PIP claim - renewal - I submitted last year.

Wants to talk about it, rather than interview.

FFS, I can't even have a little holiday where I'd mentally chosen to not engage anything relating to that shit.

Reflection & Fatigue

After ⬆️ small break, maybe a delayed bout of fatigue hit me the Thursday afterwards. 4 days later.

And it absolutely floored me. No pun thankfully, but. Fuck me was I useless.

A whole day of that 'just about to fall asleep' feeling of what was pure fatigue. Coupled with brain fog.

A day of hardcore MS.

The Saturday following was similar. Not as 'bad' but howay man. The last home game of the season and I seriously wondered about leaving during the first half.

It was exceptionally hot (for the north east and the UK too), which maybe did far from help - sun lowered in the second half and I felt a bit - a bit - better that thankfully allowed me to see the game out!

PIP text about forthcoming call, same day as seeing Duddy. Boom anxiety.

Managed to change the day after to lower anxious thoughts a bit.

PIP torture (23rd May)

Just a thought about the 'process'.

The timeless questioning, trying to catch one out, disprove disabilities. Irrespective of the other effects it may be having/taking on the what, subject/client/patient.

Is this an element of torture at times? Bet they never thought about that.

Blog interview (1st June)

A good few years ago, I managed to 'succeed' in getting an interview, when trying my best to get a job.

It was with some kind of money company based in Newcastle.

Got there too early. During the interview I was concentrating my best to NOT "umm" or "err'.

Hindsight that that was stupid, taking concentration away from other questions and such.

I said I enjoyed the book The Islamlist, which is true, but could I hell remember the author - Ed Husain.

I knew at the end I'd had not been successful. But.

I should've asked them (the 2 lady interviewers) about their disabled employment. I did not say on application that I have MS.

Let it go (the PIP whinge etc)? If only it was that easy. Not working is the bane of my life. Yes, I have accepted my disability - the best I can - as a life changer. I’m still here, and for that I AM thankful! NUFC will start winning stuff soon! Howay the lads!


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