Confident posture

Confident Dynamic Posture

 

Now at time of writing I'm 45 years young, and possibly having had MS as a living companion since I was 19, maybe younger. Something that affected my confidence? Well, partially?

I have said several times about my life with multiple sclerosis which was never on the plan. However, due to my age and experience with this unwanted guest now, I can reflect back on some of life, with erm, thought! lol

In a word; 'confidence'. Is that linked directly to MS? Well it CAN be. And I know that personally. Yet, here's a long-term memory (yikes. 26 years ago (not that long-term!)!) Running. Seriously!

As I have a great relationship with MSRRF, a PT I see there to help with MS physicalities made me realise that yes, I do lean backwards; normally. That itself aligns with something even said to me a good few years ago by a friend.

I 'had a reason for' that. So I thought.

'Leaning'. My previous blog. I mentioned: "That itself aligns with something even said to me a good few years ago by a friend. I 'had a reason for' that. So I thought." The reason.

This is where mental health, emotions, confidence etcetera have linked in the past, unbeknown to me. MS has brought these together after many fucking years; possibly.

I will attempt to explain - bare with me - I know I can speak gibberish in explanation (it’s always clear to me! lol).

Running. Yes! Running! I’m going back to ‘97/98 when ‘visual’ MS wasn’t there, to me anyway, so running was not out of order as an activity.

However! As a student then and sharing a flat with four others, one of whom was and is still a great mate called Steve, I tried a run. Steve is from Northern Ireland and a rugby loving sporty type. So this one time I said I would try a run with him!

Aye. Tried! As we did that running thing, of course I struggled in comparison to a runner-type! Here’s the time-jump link.

I recall Steve saying that I was running with my head down. Was it just rubbish technique? Well I remember that I was actually worried about standing in dog shit! OCD stupidity? Or more?

That (above) is AN example of what could be a low-confidence example, with a negative body language affecting the posture? Overthinking again? Always!

I was not in the best *mind place* that year anyway, following a relationship split, and a younger man at Uni. These things happen. But this is about me!

Boom 2ish more years later and I graduated with a great 2:1 in aeronautical engineering, yet withOUT any employment planned to follow suit. The next 2ish years were not as I wanted.

Further MS symptoms were happening (not about any causes, just a lot of WTFs) and ignored, even after a formal diagnosis in 2001 I just carried on regardless, steep in denial thereafter I now know.

I plodded on in a secret level of misery under the cover, working away at Ash Resources; until!

A life besty’s Mam came across a job advert - for what suited my degree - with BAE Systems. I applied and succeeded!

So in 2002 I went off to work for BAE in Farnborough as an aerodynamicist.

I was there for over 2 years, telling only a few new friends about MS and not the employer. A mistake I now know, but that was then!

When I left the north east I always had plans that at some time I would return, for whatever reason, and when a job opportunity appeared at Malvern, I applied.

I didn’t even last 2 years there. That job role as an Enterprise Architect (EA) was bloody hard. I went for a new challenge and boy did I get it.

Hindsight. IF I didn’t have MS it wouldn’t have been so hard. I can say that now I know a lot more about MS and me. I also did not tell Lockheed Martin (as the company became) about my illness until I knew I was going to leave.

My ‘secret’ was living with myself, family and best friends only for too long. That is a life whinge. Many people have different yet similar whinges. That’s the way it is!

All of this (in my mind; terrible pun or not!) again it is a maybe. Maybe it affected the ‘posture’.

Until! The MS knowledge tree has sprouted massively globally and locally, with treatments and so forth - different stories! - hence I have become more knowledgeable about my…. Posture!

Referring back to leaning back, the resultant spinal curve and such forth, that was my attempt to NOT be looking down and looking (and feeling) more confident. Not as easy as that. Yet, it did and does give the posture a more ‘stable’ look.

To another but! As my dynamic posture (my phrase) has become part of me, it has many of its own issues! No-can win. But can sure as fuck try.

Put in the simplest terms, posture is defined by how your joints align relative to the force of gravity when you are standing or sitting (static posture), and when your body is in motion (dynamic posture).

For further self-realisation I look back to a few years ago during a bit of a shit time when I saw medical bods. Low and behold the world of Antidepressants!
So my shaky mood then wasn’t without ‘reason’. I have felt better for the medication - no addiction by the way - and I feel more acceptance of MS and its effects.

I am NOT at any journey’s end! More prepared for the unpreparable. That’ll do.
If you’ve managed to make it to the end of this record ramble, I thank you :-) 
Any thoughts about my thoughts (good luck there!) or questionable writing, just shout!