Phonetic Geordie Meditation Piss-take
Get ye sell comfy. Best to sit on yer arse, on a cushion or owt if want, and think that thaz summic like pulling ya heed from the middle to the roof. Good for back position, serious.
Feet on the floor please an aal.
Reet. Take a muckle slow breath in.
Had it aal in for a while, boot coont of 4.
Slowly blah it aal oot slowly, coont of 8ish.
Dee it again like, just divvent hurry.
It's reet under our noses.
And again twice owa.
Can't dee it wrang, hasn't got to be owt perfect at aal. Breathe naturally.
When ye breathe, the chest n belly n shoulders are ganna move. This is good.
Each breath, try and think about it.
Focus on it - ya beek, n tash, n gob.
Where do yee feel it most comin in gannin oot?
Ye ganna have hods ov mad thoughts n that aal the time. Mind wandering like.
Divvent stress aboot it. We aal dee it. It's like a monkey mind thing. Booncin here'n'there none-stop n again n that.
Thing is, divvent worry aboot it. Accept them. It's ganna happen; them thoughts.
When the dee, then get ye heed back to breathin’ – feel it on ye nerse, or lip? Belly oot? Tits oot?
That's a focus n calms them monkeys doon.
Now wiggle ye fingaz and terz aboot a bit,
Open your eyes
And back to a calmer you!